When Mothers day creeps up, you normally send flowers, make a call, or say thanks for all the support. Although we often hear people say their parents “made me who I am today”, we might not really appreciate just how true that is! They may not think of themselves this way, but parents are behavioural scientists. Parenting as Daily Experimentation Every day, parents run experiments: -How do I get my child to brush their teeth? -Eat vegetables? -Put on their school shoes? -Say please and thank you? Each attempt involves a hypothesis (“Maybe praise will work”), an intervention (“Let’s try a sticker chart”), and observation (“That worked… for a week”). The process can require a scientific, iterative and creative approach – exactly like real-world behavioural science. One lens we can explore parenting behaviour change is through the COM-B Framework. The COM-B model is a framework from behaviour change science that explains any behaviour as the result of three key components: Capability (psychological or physical ability), Opportunity (external social or physical factors), and Motivation (reflective thoughts/intentions or automatic emotions/habits). It helps identify key barriers (and drivers) for completing a behaviour and links key barriers with evidence-based intervention strategies, enabling development of tailored interventions. Incentives: When Motivation Is the Barrier Incentives are often a parent’s first tool: praise, pocket money, stickers, screen time, treats. From a behavioural science perspective, incentives work best when a child knows what to do and how to do it (capability), has the resources and support (opportunity) but doesn’t want to do something (motivation). Parents quickly learn that not all incentives work equally — and that timing, delivery, and context matter. Through trial and error, they tailor incentives to the individual child and successfully (in most cases!) encourage positive behavioural shifts. Habits and Routines: Designing the System Parents also learn that not all behaviours can be incentivized forever. For many long-term behaviours, children must develop intrinsic motivation to maintain the behaviour – or develop habits and routines to ‘automate’ the behaviour. Take brushing teeth before bed. At first parents might rely on incentives to encourage teeth brushing, but overtime they design a system to promote habit formation: Same time each night. Same location. Same sequence (pajamas → bathroom → teeth). Once habits are formed, behaviour no longer needs reminders or rewards. It becomes automatic – triggered by context and routine. Even as adults, although our motivation may have increased (we understand and believe in the benefits of dental hygiene), we can still find our flossing slipping if we fall out of our usual bedtime routine! Parents play a vital role in building these routines in childhood! Feedback Loops: Building Capability Sometimes children’s behaviour doesn’t happen because capability hasn’t developed yet. In these types of behaviours, incentives and punishments aren’t very effective, no matter how much a child wants to perform a behaviour or understands it’s the right thing to do, they cannot perform it until their capability builds! Potty training is a classic example. Children are learning to: Notice internal cues, interpret what they mean and respond appropriately. To support this learning parents, create feedback loops — prompting, reinforcing, and repeating — until skill and confidence build. Accidental Experts in Behaviour Change Parents don’t read frameworks or publish papers, but they instinctively: Diagnose the behavioural barriers, adapt their approach and test and learn what works. Ultimately shaping the behaviour of their offspring! So, this Mother’s Day, it’s worth acknowledging the countless small experiments that helped make us who we are today! If you’re interested in how parenting shapes not just children but parents themselves, you might enjoy our podcast episode: How does parenting change your brain? Apply Now!